The best we can hope for in this life is a knothole peek at the shining realities ahead. Yet a glimpse is enough. It's enough to convince our hearts that whatever sufferings and sorrows currently assail us aren't worthy of comparison to that which waits over the horizon.
- Joni Eareckson Tada
No doubt Christ may have been knocking on my hearts door all the time I didn't hear Him (or chose not to). I grew up rebellious because I did not understand or see the love of my earthy father who felt the most loving thing he could do was to see we wanted for nothing. This was not an unusual idea among men my fathers age who were children during the Great Depression of the 1930's.
Part of my rebellion was my love of hard rock and roll. The anger expressed through R&R was soothing to me because that's how I felt, angry. It was soothing to the point that I had not trouble going to sleep with Kiss, Black Sabbath, Iron Butterfly or any other metal group playing on the radio. I could sleep through this and it did nothing to wake me in the morning when the alarm went off.
I needed to find something on the radio that would wake me up so I could get to school or my job. After going back and forth across the AM and FM dial I found a Christian radio station. How HORRIBLE! To a heavy metal fan this was the absolute most putrid music I had ever heard! I placed my clock across my bedroom so I'd have to get out of bed to turn this retched noise off.
God works in mysterious ways and after about five years of this the Holy Spirit stirred in me and I wanted to know more about God. Before I would accept that there was a supreme, flawless being, I needed to be sure he was absolutely flawless.
At the age of 23 one of my mentors, a very young mechanic at a Tempo Department Store, asked me just the right question. John had become a bit frustrated with me asking so many questions about God (I still didn't know much about Jesus). I had been to a countless number of Bible Studies at his home with he and his wife yet I had not committed yet.
John knew that I was aware of the Devil. I was, it was much easier for me to think of Satan as being real then it was to think of a divine loving God. It doesn't take much thinking to see evil in the world but it takes a lot more, even back then, to see the good in the world.
I wasn't 100% convinced that a flawless god existed yet but John decided he was going to step forth in faith and ask me invite God into my life. John asked me "Bob, do you feel like the devil is after you?" NO was my reply. "What does that tell you?"
Even as stubborn and as thick I was at the time I knew what it meant. Why should Satan waste time trying to steal my soul when he already owned it?
That seemed like the right time to accept God the Father. The time to accept Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
40 years later I still have my radio set to Christian Radio. All my radios. I love all that KHRT broadcasts. Personally I'm more drawn to the AM side but I listen to both nearly equally these days. I will never forget the debt I owe to Christian radio and that I why I love being part of the KHRT ministry. If you would like to know more about my love for Christ I would be happy to share it with you.
With all that being said I also what you to know that I still shake my head every day over my own fallen state. I need Jesus everyday. I need forgiveness everyday. The ministry of the church I attend and KHRT radio help me remember who I am and Who's I am. I am not perfect and I never will be... but I worship a God who is perfect and always will be.
At age 16, I was married. A few years later I became involved with a married man. We had an affair that produced a daughter, which I passed off as my husband's child. Our affair lasted 10 years, before my first marriage dissolved and I married this man. During those 10 years I had become pregnant four other times and all four times I aborted them.
It wasn't long after we married that I became pregnant for the sixth time. Like the others, he pitched a fit and demanded of me that I get rid of this pregnancy too. So, I traveled to Atlanta. I was in my third trimester and Alabama wouldn't allow an abortion that far along.
I entered the Atlanta abortion clinic. When you go into to these places, all they want to do is get you in and get your money. They sent me in to talk to this lady, and she was supposed to do all of this stuff. However when I met with her, it was the strangest thing. She told me all the things that they would do with my baby. She even showed me where they put the babies after they were aborted. She told me, "don't do this!" She said, "go back to Alabama and have my baby." That's what I did. I had a son.
Eventually I knew something was wrong with me. I couldn't be at peace. There was a constant churning inside of me all the time. I had so much rage that I just wanted to kill everybody. The anger, the rage, and my broken heart were unbearable. Trying to numb my anger and pain, I kept having other extramarital affairs, but I found no satisfaction in a man. I planned my suicide. I wrote letters to each one of my children about how sorry I was for committing suicide and that I loved them, but I just couldn't take the
But God had a different plan! One day at the library I picked up a free, local Christian magazine. I ran across this article asking, "Do you need healing from your abortions?" There was a telephone number listed, and though I struggled, I called the number.
I am healed and able to forgive myself for murdering my children. I came to know our sweet, precious Savior and learned how amazing it is that He shed His blood for us. He, alone, can take you in His arms and wipe all the stains away. I want to help other women going through post-abortion like I was.
P.O. Box 365
Millbrook, AL 36054